Pun intended .. No direct dig at anyone .
27.5.15
Best divorce letter ever !!!
BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER
Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. … Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.
Watsappology in Marathi !!!: महाडिक
Watsappology in Marathi !!!: महाडिक: अल्का: का गं? हनिमुन नंतर अशी दुःखी का? स्नेहा: अगं तो फ़क्त नावाचाच विशाल महाडिक आहे!������
23.5.15
Arab Family
MAIL FROM AN ARAB STUDENT TO HIS DAD
Dear Dad
Sydney is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser...
Next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail
My dear loving son Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us.
Go and get yourself a train too.
Love, your Dad
Al Habibi....😜😄😂
20.5.15
Alia Butt !!!
Alia Bhatt :-Agar tu bata de ki meri Tokri me kya hai. toh tokri k aadhe Ande tere.
Aur ye bhi batade ki Ande Kitne hai to 10 k 10 Tere.
Aur agar ye Bhi bata de ki Ande Kiske hai to ande dene wali Murgi bhi teri.
Rahul Gandhi :- Arey yaar ... Lekin koi HINT TO De De
😝😝😝😂😂😂
Story special n bahu rani
शिक्षाप्रद कहानी !!!
रात में एक चोर घर में घुसता है। कमरे का दरवाजा खोला तो बरामदे पर एक बूढ़ी औरत सो रही थी। खटपट से उसकी आंख खुल गई। चोर ने घबरा कर देखा तो वह लेटे लेटे बोली '' बेटा, तुम देखने से किसी अच्छे घर के लगते हो, लगता है किसी परेशानी से मजबूर होकर इस रास्ते पर लग गए हो। चलो कोई बात नहीं। अलमारी के तीसरे बक्से में एक तिजोरी है ।
इसमें का सारा माल तुम चुपचाप वह ले जाना। मगर पहले मेरे पास आकर बैठो, मैंने अभी-अभी एक ख्वाब देखा है । वह सुनकर जरा मुझे इसका मतलब तो बता दो।
'' चोर उस बूढ़ी औरत की रहमदिली से बड़ा अभिभूत हुआ और चुपचाप उसके पास जाकर बैठ गया। बुढ़िया ने अपना सपना सुनाना शुरु किया '' बेटा मैंने देखा कि मैं एक रेगिस्तान में खो गइ हूँ। ऐसे में एक चील मेरे पास आई और उसने 3 बार जोर जोर से बोला
माजिद। । माजिद। । माजिद !!!
बस फिर ख्वाब खत्म हो गया और मेरी आंख खुल गई। जरा बताओ तो इसका क्या मतलब हुई? ''
चोर सोच में पड़ गया। इतने में बराबर वाले कमरे से बुढ़िया का नौजवान बेटा माजिद अपना नाम ज़ोर ज़ोर से सुनकर उठ गया और अंदर आकर चोर की जमकर धुनाई कर दी। बुढ़िया बोली ''बस करो अब यह अपने किए की सजा भुगत चुका।
'' चोर बोला; नहीं नहीं मुझे और कूटो सालों ताकि मुझे आगे याद रहे कि मैं चोर हूँ सपनों का मतलब बताने वाला नहीं। ''
👉Moral - Be Professional
😕😕😕😕😕😕
😬😬😬😬😬😬
If the daughter-in-law is eating lemon, it need not be any good news.
.
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Times are changing.
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.
.
May be she is getting rid of 'hangover'! 😝 😁
Sexy neighbour
Baajuwaali Special .. 😂😂
A man was shocked to see his beautiful divorced neighbour knocking on his door one Friday evening.
.
"I'm feeling so lonely that I can't stand it." she said.
"I want to go out, get drunk & want to enjoy my life. Are you free tonight?"
"Yes!" he replied enthusiastically.
"Wonderful." she said.
"Then please take care of my kids...
😄😃😀😊😅😄😃😀😊
Moral : Please read instructions
carefully before saying yes!
All free items* come with terms and conditions apply...
😝😜😝😛😜😝😛😜😝😛😜
Pm tour
PA to Mr. Modi - sir, which country have you planned to visit next?
Modi - ok, tell me which country is left??I want to visit all in 5 years
PA - sir, only our own country is left. Indian citizens are confused whether they have chosen a PM or Vasco da gama😜😛😆😂
Moving husband moving wife !!!
Frustrated wife was busy in packing her clothes.
.
Husband - Where are you going ?
.
Wife - I'm moving to my mother.
.
Husband also starts packing his clothes.
.
Wife - Now where are you going ?
.
Husband - I'm also moving to my mother.
.
Wife - And what about the kids ?
.
Husband - Well I guess ... If you are moving to your mother and I'm moving to my mother ... They should move to their mother.
.
Clothes unpacked.
😂😜😝
16.5.15
Chain message ... Killer one !!!
HILARIOUS MESSAGE FROM A FRUSTATED VICTIM OF CHAIN MESSAGES -
I want to thank all my friends who have forwarded chain messages to me in 2012, 2013 & 2014 and still continuing..
BECAUSE OF YOUR KINDNESS :
1- I stopped eating the tasty kurkure after I heard that it has plastic in it.
2- I stopped going to movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with Aids.
3- Forwarded hundreds of messages but still waiting for free balance.
4- I smell like a rotten egg since i stopped using deo's because they cause cancer.
5- I also donated all my savings to a 7 year old poor girl who was about to die in hospital about 700 times.
6- Made 100 wishes before forwarding God's pictures & etc by now most of those 'wishes' are already married.
7- I have stopped drinking Frooti as every six-months, one worker having AIDS dies in the Parle factory & his blood gets mixed in the Frooti.
8- Every week Chairman & Falaana- Dheenka Director of Whatsapp send SMS to forward to 8 person in contact list if not my whatsapp will be charged or Icon will not become Blue. I have not forwarded sms, still my whatsapp is FOC (free of cost).
9-If I don't take Your calls sometime, assume that my mobile is charging & I fear getting Burnt if I talk when mobile is charging. Bcoz every alternate days it is fixed somebody died of this as informed in chain SMS.
Now if you don't send this message to your friends in next 10 seconds, a Coconut will Fall on Your Head tomorrow.
😀😀😂😂😊😰😅😅
😡😡😷😷😬😬😇😂
Ab toh Hadd Hogayi...
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⚠Whatsapp is giving 5kg Rice and 2litre milk share this message in only 5 groups and check the kitchen after 30 minutes✔
😂😂😂😂😂.
12.5.15
Flipkart n Snapdeal confusion
Flipkart product in Snapdeal packing . disappointing stuff .
Jaago , grahak jaago ...
10.5.15
Mothers day special
🍛🍛🍛When you say, "Mom, 4 dosas will be enough for me.", she will bring you 5..🍛🍛🍛
⏰📞⏰📞⏰When you're out, she will call you once in an hour.⏰📞⏰📞⏰
🍎🍎🍎When there are 3 apples and your family has 4 members, mom will say, "I don't like apples".🍎🍎🍎🍎
😴😶😴😶😴When you go to sleep with no blankets, you will definitely wake up with one. 😴😇😴😇😴😇
🍯🍪🍯🍪🍯When you're going away to another city or country, she will pack you a bunch of snacks specially made for you.
Then she will tell you, "Don't give all snacks to your friends. Eat it yourself."🍯🍪🍯🍪🍯
🎊⌛🎊⌛When coming back home after a long day, the first thing your mom would say, "Come and have dinner"⏰🍛⏰🍛⏰
📚⏰📚⏰📚Gonna study at midnight? Don't worry. Mom will make you tea, coffee or whatever snack you want and she will never complain about losing her sleep
Conclusion:
At times, you may not like her.😪
You may get irritated by her. 😖😠😫
You may even abandon her. 😷😏😑🙈
✨But a mom will always be a mom. And you will always be her 👶child👶✨
😍😍😍She will never stop loving you..😍😍😍
No one in this world can take a mom's place...not even God.
❤❤❤Dedicated to all the lovely moms on earth and in heaven❤❤❤
Happy Mothers Day
6.5.15
Husband n wife part 1
Husband & Wife - too good.....Just tooo goood..
This is the best and most civil way to have a fight between husband and wife instead of resorting to physical force...
Poems written by WIFE and HUSBAND.
WIFE:
I wrote your name on sand it got washed..
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.
HUSBAND:
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far
HUSBAND:
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?
WIFE:
Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but outside, laughing at you
AND THE SAGA CONTINUES........
......................................................
Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means - With Idiot For Ever
...........................................................................
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one every day.
..................................................................
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
...................................................................
Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are..
Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.
....................................................................
Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?
Husband: a gentle push...!!😜😝😂😂
Awesome definitions of daily things
Wonderful definitions 😄
CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco
Rolled in paper
With fire at one end
And a fool at the other!
MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement
Wherein
A man loses his bachelors degree
And a woman gains her masters
CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
Multiplied by the
Number present
COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing
A cake in such a way that
Everybody believes
He got the biggest piece
TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which
Masculine will-power is
Defeated by feminine water-power!
CLASSIC:
A book
Which people praise,
But never read
SMILE:
A curve
That can set
A lot of things straight!
OFFICE:
A place
Where you can relax
After your strenuous
Home life
YAWN:
The only time
When some married men
Ever get to open
Their mouth
EXPERIENCE:
The name
Men give
To their
Mistakes
DIPLOMAT:
A person
Who tells you
To go to hell
In such a way
That you actually look forward
To the trip
OPTIMIST:
A person
Who while falling
From EIFFEL TOWER
Says in midway
"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"
MISER:
A person
Who lives poor
So that
He can die RICH!
FATHER:
A banker
Provided by
Nature
BOSS:
Someone
Who is early
When you are late
And late
When you are early
POLITICIAN:
One who
Shakes your hand
Before elections
And your Confidence
Later
DOCTOR:
A person
Who kills
Your ills
By pills,
And kills you
By his bills!
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